I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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