Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I could fuck to npr.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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