i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
