just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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