soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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