can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
