im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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