areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
