trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
