How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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