Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
