So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
