Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
