she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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