Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
