is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
