Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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