How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
