I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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