ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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