Pappa wants mamma naked
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
