Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
