Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
