I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
