Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
