I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
