I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
