meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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