I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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