o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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