brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
