don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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