Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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