your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He did a backflip because drugs
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
