Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
