We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
