In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
