So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
