This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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