I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
