Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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