i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
ok first of all what the fuck
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
