I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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