dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
