afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
