dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
