Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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