grandma shit on top of the toilet
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How external is "for external use only"?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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