I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
