There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
